Play Sets

Make a playing "field" for any story (in this case, Jonah and the Big Fish) plus the items necessary to interact.  Other ideas: Goldilocks and the Three Bears, ANY Bible story, Little Red Riding Hood.  Stories that changes locations are particularly adaptable for this! (Doggie is optional!) I made a VERY cool box for mine, decoupaged with paper elements from the story in similar colors.  It was amazing! Now the kids have a "play center" all ready to take out, play away, and then repack for the shelf!

CHANGES!!!

Changes that I have noticed without really paying attention until today:

1.       The sheer joy of sliding up those jeans and buttoning them WITHOUT having to lie on the bed and suck in my tummy!

2.       Wearing high heels and my knees don’t hurt!

3.       I have taken almost NO ibuprofen in the last few weeks!  I used to take a LOT several times a day for pain.

4.       Jeans that were too small before are now too big!

5.       I don’t seem to be hungry much…and when I get hungry, I don’t feel guilty about eating…whatever it is. (this is all very new)

6.       My ankles are much less swollen and my shoes all seem loose.

7.       A Non-change: my brain still cannot “see” any difference.  I think that my legs looks smaller, but my arms still look really big to me and my wrists still look very swollen.

Visual Me

I need to SEE it...maybe you don't...but as a visual learner, IF I SEE IT, I GET IT.  So, today, one month from my START date, I HAVE LOST 15 POUNDS!!!

I am still in shock and awe. <grin>

It isn't supposed to happen! I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever lost that much in one month.  I guess "The MandATES" work! At least for me!

And last night, my jeans felt tight! I was bracing myself for a weight GAIN, hoping that it wouldn't be too bad...a pound or two at most.  That happens...it would be disappointing and all, 

but it would be OK...just continue with the "program" the "PLAN".

Sooooooooooooooooooo, I stepped on the scale, shaking with fear, trying to be calm, preparing for the worst and then....

HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!

I had LOST 4 POUNDS SINCE LAST TIME! 

So now, the MandATEs say that I should CelebrATE...without food.  (Once, years ago for one of my weight loss plans I would have a Häagen-Das

ice cream bar for every 5 pounds that I lost.  Great motivation! Bad plan!) So, today, when I want to celebrate...I'm stumped!  I didn't plan one.  I am up a creek - and without funds.  I think that Hubby and I will dance today!  Disco? (hahahahaha) Or maybe the Eagles. Or Santana!!!!

So, now, I need a list of Celebrations!  I might add some recipes for the healthy stuff like the frozen banana and Nutella "ice cream" or something like that...food, in moderation, that fits into the plan, is STILL a good plan for Celebrations.  We celebrate WITH food.  It is good, and normal, and healthy.  But, no big chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and lots of big chocolate roses on it. <grin> On my Pinterest, I have listed a bunch of good, nummy things to eat.  I'll check on those to add to our CelebrATE Party!!!! Yay!!!!! FIFTEEN POUNDS!!!!!
CELEBRATE LIFE!
CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES!!!!

Faces

FINALLY I have a forum for sharing my "new" discovery!  I started this about a year ago...and it has been amazing! I don't use fancy stuff on my face anymore! I use Olive Oil, Corn Starch, Baking Soda, Honey, Apple Cider Vinegar, Oatmeal and Salt!!!  And, amazingly, my face looks better - SO MUCH BETTER than it used to!
Top Photo: Corn Starch, Olive Oil, Baking Soda ("they" (they who???) wouldn't let me post the brand name boxes!)
Olive Oil - a good cleanser (mix a little in your hand with salt or the finer grained baking soda and use it as a scrub...rinse with a warm washcloth.  No dry skin!) p.s. I added a bit of essential oil to cover the olive-y smell and hubby LOVES it!!! (me too)
Corn Starch - use like baby powder where ever you need dryness or friction reduced. Or, it absorbs oils out of clothes like a stain remover...cover oil stain, let set a minute, dust out.  Also, a dry shampoo...rub it into head and brush out.
Baking Soda - use it with salt for tooth brushing, a fine exfoliate for the face,  mix with olive oil and rub both hands together for a great hand smoothing, moisturizing treatment (also for feet!)

 Above photo: left to right - Honey, Apple Cider Vinegar, Ground Oatmeal, Salt
Honey - Use as a masque on your face, washes right off with a warm wash cloth
Apple Cider Vinegar - use full or half strength (half water, half vinegar) to close pores after cleansing
Oatmeal - as a masque: mix with a little water in your palm and apply to face, let dry, wash off with warm water (I often will make my own recipe in my palm adding honey, baking soda, oatmeal, and or corn starch...the last to seem to absorb oils in the pores)

 

I took a former decorative spice rack ($4 at Ross's years ago) and filled the squiggly bottles with my ingredients.  Looks SO nice on my counter top...and SO easy to refill, use, and use some more. Happy me!!!!

The Travel Version - ready to go!

My Pantry Today!

Isn't it pretty?  There are spices, and beans (pinto, navy, northern), rice and of course, the Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Satisfying and ready...well, ready to cook but still...hunger is not going to come to my door any time soon!

And here is the kitchen cabinet corner (almost wasted space if I didn't fill it like this!) I love it because it is a grandma corner! Besides the oatmeal and beans and barley, there is also sugar, Splenda and flour. Gotta have that stuff to bake cookies for the grandkids!
My point? We made changes.  (I worry about putting lots of pictures of food in my blog, but hey, we eat three times a day - at LEAST - so it is a part of our lives...hard to find the right mix.)

For the Records

Here we are - 25 pounds down...I can actually live with looking like this.
(for reference, here is the old photo...if I SEE them side by side, maybe my head will get on board with this thing!)

BODY IMAGE

In my head, I look like the first photo on this blog...in the red dress, with the big tummy and the fat face and the flat hair.  It doesn't matter what the scale says.  It doesn't matter that I can fit the "skinny jeans".  It doesn't matter what I REALLY look like...in my head, I look like that. 25 pounds lighter or heavier, I will look the same way in my head - obese.  The other problem is denial... "I'm not THAT overweight..."

CELEBRATE!

There are millions of reasons to express sorrow, and it is SO important that we express it.  However, we must not forget to express joy, celebration and enjoyment! It is healthy to enjoy the happy things.  Drink them in with joy. Dance! Sing! Be thankful! If we are thankful, we cannot complain.  Today, I celebrate life! I am glad to have known Nate and to have shared, however briefly, in the story of his life.  I celebrate that I have an extended family so full of love and of acceptance.  Every day is a gift - whatever it contains, I drink it down to the bottom.  I do not want to save up grief, nor do I want to be sparing with my joy. 

PERFECTIONISM - one of the biggies

PERFECTIONISM – one of the biggies

Here is what Miss Perfectionist says:

          “If I can’t be as thin as I want to be, then who cares how much I weigh?”

          “I tried to diet yesterday, and I blew it big time.  The pressure is too much…I cannot win.  So I quit.”

          “I will have “success” if I have a certain number on the scale – if the number is different than that,  

           then I am not successful.”

I don’t know how to turn off my perfectionistic tendencies, but I am working on at least toning them down a bit. 

Recognition: I recognize that my brain wants things a certain way and that it throws a tantrum when it doesn’t have it that way.  It is scary to think that I can be that black and white…and that mean and narrow, not only to others, but (which may be even worse in some cases) with myself! It is not easy to relax and to recognize that my way is not always the best way, and even if it is, that I do not HAVE to have it that way and seldom do have everything “my” way.  However, it seems to me that the first step is to recognize that I have some unrealistic expectations and to formally tell myself to back off and to shut up.

Grief: Allowing myself to mourn the “loss” of unrealized expectations is another skill that I have tried to develop.   I realized that I was continually telling myself “It’s OK.  Get over it. Let it go.” without allowing myself to grieve or to mourn.  Even something as “silly” as a broken favorite shoe or earring might require a brief moment of true sorrow.  Letting those losses build up without any expression of sorrow can result in a big reaction to something smaller later on.  This may seem like the opposite of “recognition” which essentially said, “relax and let it go” but it is part of the process…if we let go of unrealistic expectations, we need to also give ourselves permission to mourn the “loss” of the expected outcome. (I keep putting the word “loss” in quotations because in these cases we may not have lost anything concrete or real, but have only lost the thing that we THOUGHT we were to have…it is still very much a loss.)

Expectations: I also realize that I have to change my expectations.  I need to re-think and re-evaluate and re-measure the things that are important to me.  I never thought about it before…but once I form some sort of plan in my head, whether we are talking about something like a daughter’s wedding or what I’m going to have for lunch today, any change in the outcome can be a difficult mental adjustment. Some of the “little” things (like lunch plans) can be as hard as or harder to deal with than the “big” things (like a daughter’s wedding).  Sometimes, when I feel tired for no reason, or if I am down, I try to remember if there is some dashed expectation in the past that I am mourning…and often, there is!

Guilt: The yucky one.  I really hate guilt…because it happens for bad things and for good things.  Guilt is the reason that I don’t like to play board games with my family! I feel badly if they lose and I win! I feel really badly if they win and I lose! <grin> The first plan for dealing with guilt is to realize that there is “deserved guilt” or guilt that we earned and then there is “assumed guilt” or guilt that we have taken upon ourselves which is not ours to carry.  If I have misbehaved in some way, then I need to acknowledge that, ask for forgiveness and try to make amends.  I have memorized these phrases: I’m sorry.  I was wrong when I (fill in blank).  Please forgive me. Is there something that I can do to make amends?

On the other hand, I often feel guilty when I haven’t done anything wrong.  Other people can throw guilt onto me and I realize that I have this ability to just add it to my pack without a thought!  I am pretty good at picking up undeserved guilt on my own without any help from anyone else!  Guilty feelings get mixed into the emotional soup that is my soul without even a clear headed glance.

Shame: She shuffles along hand in hand with guilt, both with their heads down and with a prideful sense of martyrdom.  Shame focuses on the self.  It is all about “me”.  I have lived in such close quarters with Shame that I sometimes forget that she is there.  Little by little, I think that I have reduced her power over me, but she is still there, Barbie sized, in the corner, glaring at me for my audacity to diminish her in such a way.  I have been ashamed of my messy house, of my weight, of my weaknesses and my illnesses, of my failures and even ashamed of my successes.

Manipulation: Finally I will write about this horror that is manipulation! What does manipulation have to do with perfectionism? Everything!  We want what we want when we want it…and if it appears that others won’t give it to us, we resort to underhanded means to get what we want: manipulation.  Here is my personal definition: using the weapons of guilt, fear, shame and rejection to coerce another to do ones will. <shudder>

Dealing with the emotions that make up the “Soul Soup” is a lifelong process.  Somehow, over time, and hopefully with some maturity, I have seen my emotional storms calm to happy little waves.  “Cut power to the shields!” …ah, but that is for another post.

Temptation!!!

These are in the freezer calling my name! I ALMOST had one - well, the plan was to have "only 1/2" hahaha but the wrapping around them all didn't give way to my initial attempt to open and so...I WALKED AWAY!! Yay for me...however, what are they doing in there in the first place? (I didn't buy them!)

THE SCALE!!!

The SCALE (old timey scary organ music plays here)

So, you might have recognized that I have tried to downplay the importance of the All-Mighty SCALE! (cue scary music again) On the one hand, I try to notate my weight regularly; on the other hand, I try to ignore what the scale says.  So, the last week that I fasted, the 17^th, I weighed happily on the 18^th and TA-DA!! No weight loss! What?!? What happened? Why not? All that water drunk, all that time being sorta hungry – it was a harder day that time.  But, not even a budge on the SCALE? Nope…in fact, I may have gained a pound.  Shocker!

What is a girl to do?  I am SO GLAD that I am not on Biggest Loser for all the world to see my lack of progress! Why does it go down and then not go down? When I got back from the weekend trip to FAMILY (means to food, food, and more really GOOD food! And sitting in the car for 24+ hours in 4 days) I had lost a pound or two! Go figure.  It is like THE SCALE (duh-duh DUNNA!) is not in sync with the rest of the program.  THE SCALE does its own thing.  I don’t get it.  But, it got to me.  I weighed (after fasting) and didn’t get the results that I expected, and then all that I wanted to do was eat.  I had trouble not eating…grazing…continual feeding for several days.  I evidently didn’t fall off the wagon too far, but it is a troubling situation to work on as I go.  THE SCALE is not my friend but neither is it my enemy.  THE SCALE is not the judge.  The way my clothes fit is the judge.  The strength I build is the judge.  The feeling better is the judge.  <sigh> So many things that we set up as measurements do not actually measure accurately.  THE SCALE measures me, but it is only a part of the process, not the ULTIMATE goal, judge, voice, or victory.  I eat to live well.  Eat less, taste more!

Fasting

Fasting:

OK, so I wasn’t really going to talk about this one because so many people get all funky about it.  However, that colon cleanse that we did for the colonoscopy was amazing…I felt so clear-headed and had more energy and my body did NOT hurt all over!! When I started eating again, the foggy brain and aching body seemed to return … and quickly! So, I’m going to try to fast regularly.  Tuesday, the 17^th is my next fasting-day.  Here is my plan: clear liquids (water, more water, water with lemon, broth, diet 7-Up (I can hear the health-conscious rolling their eyes) tea and even coffee without cream and then more water) I plan on going as long as I can until I get hungry or weak.  I do not plan on overdoing it.  We’ll see how it affects me.  I do know that I seem LESS hungry or more satisfied with less food after I have fasted.  They say that your stomach does not shrink, but I know that we get accustomed to more food, more sugar, more fullness, or less of all of that…so giving myself a day of “rest” (gastronomically speaking) might do something for my appetite.  The all-knowing internet (hahaha) says that if I over-eat after fasting that I will gain lots of weight.  He says that fasting slows your metabolism down! (I already feel that my metabolism is pretty slow!!!) Your body goes into “famine” mode, hanging onto your body fat.  This is scary. So…we will take a “watch-and-see” approach. I’ll keep you posted. (P.S. I am NOT doing any more colon cleansing for awhile! Things have not re-regulated since the last one!) 

Motivate - Nice words

Motivate – Nice words

So, when I decided what little blank book I was going to use (it is about 2 ½ inches by 3 inches), the first thing that I did was to date all of the pages until the end.  Then, I went to the end and wrote down my “rules” (The Mandates) and the reasons why I was making these changes. I wanted to have something to remind myself with later on.  Again, for me, if I SEE words – my own words, particularly, I feel more committed to them. Then, I thought about what more I could do to encourage myself…and I began to write nice words to myself for each day.  Here is a sample of some of the pages:

Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.

I am as thin as I want to be! (I ate what I wanted and that brought me to this weight)

I sabotage my own success…or orchestrate it!

I am a woman who keeps her promises…even to myself!

Think and visualize what “thin” will look like and feel like.

Happy back and happy knees.

Do not be weary in well-doing!

Maturity is delaying gratification for a healthy purpose.

“I need” versus “I want”.  Give (or allow) the body what it needs. Enjoy life.

Sing!

Inch by inch it’s a cinch.  Mile by mile it’s a heavy trial. (One day at a time)

Read. Drink water. Take a walk. Write. Talk to someone. (what to do when bored/hungry)

Freedom is not in doing everything that feels good – it is in feeling good about your choices.

Motivation: an inward willingness, buying into the dream or goal and participating in it with gusto!

There WILL be food tomorrow.  Trust in that! (You cannot store it in your tummy anyway)

Nourish your soul with love, prayer, worship and communion – intimacy.

Bored? Do NOT eat! Fill boredom with activity, education, contemplation…but NOT with food!

Enjoy it!

Enough.  I have enough of everything that I need and some to give away!

Fear: the big door-closer.  You can endure MUCH more than you think that you can!

It is even more wasteful to eat it as it is to throw it away!

Pillows of “body armor” do NOT offer true protection. This idea is a lie I have wordlessly told myself.

Exercise not for weight loss but for strength and tone. Then, the scale will not get you down!

You’ve seen the photos – blue sky, grassy field, the model dancing or leaping…make it happen! I will be “the model”. <grin>

Forgive others. Forgive yourself.

I am the only person who will accompany me throughout my entire life. I need to be a good companion to myself.

Treat yourself with as much gentleness as you would give to your best friend.

Acknowledge: Obese is obese.  Fat is fat. Too much is too much. Indulgence is indulgence. It is NOT O.K. to lie about it.

I make my choices. I choose to love.  I choose to live a certain way.  I choose to eat on purpose.

Integrity: inner steel.  Doing what is right for the right reason in the right way.

One bite of brownie tastes as good as a whole pan.

Waistbands – they are getting smaller!

It is another day of life to live!

Be thankful! You cannot complain if you are thankful.

Give yourself permission to succeed.  It is OK.

Stretch!

Water (pure) Water (clear) Water (water)

My god is NOT my belly.                                                                 

I LIKE being thinner!

Small, last-minute, poor decisions add up!

Plan! (for the party! For the restaurant!)

It is SO worth it!

The REAL goal: health (don’t let the scale get you down)

Posture. Posture.

It is NOT o.k. “just this once”.  Do not give into the whining toddler!

Why? Why? Why?

Reasons Why?

Why am I doing this? Why am I making changes in my life-style? It helps to review the reasons…it keeps me focused.  I wrote these in the back of my little “what I eat” book. Here is what I have written to myself:

I DO NOT WANT TO BE OBESE!

I am doing this for my heart, my lungs, my kidneys, my legs, my knees, my back, my hips, my feet!

…to look nice in clothes!

…more energy!

…easier to travel.

…less shame.

…economical! Costs less to eat less.

This is me a couple of years ago...it is about what I weigh today.

CUP-ul-ATE

CUP-ulate (<-  to understand what this word means, you must read "The Mandates" post)

In order to lose weight, I am going to have to reduce how much food I am eating.  Reduce it by how much? What is a good “rule of thumb” for deciding how much I need to eat?  It is hard to measure without a scale…we often will think that we have eaten very little when we really ate a LOT!!! So, I decided to come up with a “eyeball” way to measure how much food I eat.  When I do it, it seems to satisfy me.

What “CUP-ulate” means is this: your stomach is supposedly the size of your fist - or about one cup.  They say that you don’t need to eat more than this amount to be “full”.  I often will eat 10 times that amount – especially popcorn!  So, I decided to try it – to eat one CUP of food at a time.  If I am still hungry, I eat another cup or half a cup after one full hour.  (I sometimes set the timer, since I lose track of time!) I don’t really care (o.k. I DO care, but for the purpose of my perfectionism, I give myself permission NOT to care…maybe I’ll talk about that more later) if that cup is a cup of cake and frosting, or a cup of rice cake…the point is to make it about the size of my fist. Period.  That includes the meat, the veggies, the potato, the dessert, all of it.  So, how is it working for me?  Pretty good!  I often want more food…WANT, not need…and I recognize that in one hour, I will have more food.  So far, it seems to be working.  If I start to get hungry, I eat…but only ABOUT one cup or less.  If I know that lunch or supper is not going to happen for awhile, and I’m getting hungry, I will have a cup-sized snack. 

This means that most of the time, people and restaurants will serve me 3-10 times the amount that I have chosen to eat!  What to do? I did pretty well at the last restaurant meal that we had…I cut the amount in half and ordered a to-go box. The waitress brought it out right away (they often forget! And then I keep eating!) If I plan in advance, I can have a zip-lock and some aluminum foil folded into my purse, which helps.  My last meal at a family member’s house did not go so well, though.  To start with, I got too hungry and the food was “comfort food” and fabulously prepared – chicken-fried steak and gravy! However, I dutifully “filled” my plate with about 1 ½ cups…a small-ish piece of meat, a tiny bit of potatoes, and only one corn on the cob. It was a bit over my self-imposed regulation size meal – but not too bad.  It all tasted so good…so I had another bite, and then another and another and another!!! By the end, I had crashed pretty badly.  I will have to have some better plans for next time...plans to succeed in the face of those (look up a little bit) plates of food!!! I do NOT want to be a life-time member of the "Clean Your Plate Club"!!!!!

The Mand-ATEs

The MANDATES

I like rules. I'm a teacher, so maybe that's why...but it helps me to know what my plan is.  I also like to make up words and to play with them...so here is my playing...playing with food! What we "Ate" ... the MandATEs. <grin>

Ambulate: walk every day
Hydrate: drink lots of water
Veggi-tate: eat more veggies - less meat
CUP-ulate: one cup at a time (more on this later) wait one hour
Regulate: no food after 7 PM - clear liquids only (broth, diet 7-Up, water, tea)
Circumnavigate: avoid Fast-Food! If it cannot be avoided, then only order one thing

Innovate: (change) eat higher fiber - whole grains
Anticipate: visualize success
Celebrate:  a.) life in general, b.) successes - without food
Motivate: review goals, rules, write/copy words of encouragement to self
Notate:  write down food eaten, exercise accomplished and actual weight
Formulate: plan meals, plan snacks, plan for parties, plan for dinners out, PLAN!!!

Abbreviate: smaller plates and dishes

The "O" Word!!!

"Treatment for obesity"...that's what the doctor's report said.  I had my annual check-up and the paperwork had a list of my ailments on it for the year.  I must be sort of visual (and my friends will all chuckle at the understatement) because even though I remember speaking the awful word to the doctor six months before, and even hearing her say it too, it didn't register so much until I actually SAW the word neatly typed and printed on an official medical document! "That's it!" I told myself, "No more messing around." That very day, I made some changes. That awful word - I'm going to force myself to write it again "obesity" <shudder!!!>, is officially on my medical record!
At my check-up, the doctor had said, "You have lost 14 pounds since last time, how did you do it?" I had to think, what HAD I done?
Well, hmmmmm what had I done?
In many ways, I hadn't really done too much - tried not to eat after 7 PM, tried not to eat too much at one sitting.  Life was too complicated and we were traveling too much to really have any sort of schedule or plan or consistency. (That weight had come after a long trip where we had eaten out regularly and heartily! It was a TRUE weight, I did weigh that much, but it was a kind of a bubble in the middle...I had gone up, and then I had gone back down...)  However, from the moment that I saw that awful word, the "o" word, I began to think of how I was going to change this situation.  The big "accidental" jump-start of 14 pounds helped.  So did having a colonoscopy! I had to fast one day, only drinking "clear liquids"... and for the first time ever, it wasn't hard to fast! I assume that my metabolism has been rather level for awhile - because in the past, fasting caused wild sugar lows and teeth-grinding hunger pangs.
Anyway, I am ready to start!  I am ready to get as far away from being OBESE as possible!  Here are some of the things that I am doing.

1. I started writing down everything that I eat in my little book. I have pre-dated the pages and when I finish filling up this book, I have already made the next one which will take me nearly to the end of the year. (I have done this "food diary" before, but when I fill up one book, sometimes that is enough to throw me off track since I didn't have another book ready!)
2. I wrote encouraging notes to myself at the top of each page.
3. I wrote a list of rules for me to review regularly.
4. I wrote a list of reasons why I want to do the list of rules.

There you go - that's what I've been doing!